


Unspoken doubts

by Lilydacat



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Dark Doctor (Doctor Who)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 17:01:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21651787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilydacat/pseuds/Lilydacat
Summary: Ryan and the doctor need to talk some things out after new years.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor & Ryan Sinclair
Kudos: 14





	Unspoken doubts

**Author's Note:**

> Well while this isint really finished im glad i got it out there!

As the TARDIS sailed gently through the time vortex, and the Doctor continued on with her repairs with a troubled look on her face, a certain someone jolted awake after a terrible nightmare. That someone had been Ryan. He had dreamt of the previous day when they had encountered the Dalek. That Dalek had then proceeded to take over the mind of his father, whom he was just beginning to understand even though he could not yet forgive him, and then as if that wasn't bad enough, the Doctor, one of his best friends, for crying out loud, had basically been intent on killing him! He knew that his dad wasn‘t the best, but that did not mean that he wanted him to die! As he sat there in the darkness of his room, he heard a soft knock at his door. He got back under his cover and pretended to be asleep as the Doctor opened the door as quietly as she could. He didn't want to talk right now, he just wanted to forget what happened, and also forget what the Doctor’s response had insinuated. 

„Ryan... are you awake?“

she whispered, as she walked towards the bed and sat down on a chair next to his bed. 

„I know it‘s difficult to really see the worst parts of the universe. Much worse than just hearing the stories told about them“. 

She laughed weakly, as though anything she had just said brought her some sort of morbid amusement. Sometimes he didn't understand what she was thinking. Actually, he thought he almost never did.

„I came here to tell you that I was proud of you today.” She smiled as she said it. 

„You overcame your weakness, and you saved your dad!“ 

Her enthusiasm went up as she spoke, but she stayed quiet, obviously not wanting him to wake up. He felt a twinge of pride at having impressed her, but as soon as he felt that, he was left wondering why. She was his friend, not a mentor or a teacher, though most of the time she certainly acted like it. He didn't really need to impress her. Of course he wanted his friends to like him and find him impressive, but somehow it felt different with the Doctor. He couldn’t quite explain it, but as he thought about their travels, it seemed like it was that way with everyone who was near her. It was like some kind of hypnosis, he thought. 

„I‘ll be leaving now, Ryan. I hope you don’t get any more nightmares.”

And then she left, hurriedly. He would have wondered why, but the sting to his heart that came from her mentioning his nightmare kept him from it. Had she known he was awake? She had mentioned before that she had superior hearing to humans. Maybe she could hear his breathing? He didn‘t want to think about it. Didn’t want to recognize that she was different. An alien, to be exact. He didn‘t want to think that she probably had legitimate reason for her actions earlier. He wanted to blame her as if she were human, but she, of course, wasn’t. She was... At that point he realized how little he really knew about her. He didn’t even know her species! He took a deep breath, and decided that it didn’t matter right now. He wasn’t really thinking straight because of the stress of almost losing another family member right in front of him. He should really just try to get back to sleep. Thinking could wait till tomorrow, he thought, as he yawned. Maybe then his head would be clear enough.

He didn’t fall asleep until much, much later, and when he finally did, his cheeks were wet from crying and eyes red and puffy.

  
  


When Ryan finally woke up the next day, it was sunny outside his window. He hadn’t had much time to think about how that worked, but considering how the doctor usually explained things in quite strange and complicated words, he really didn’t have much hope for ever finding out. This thought involving the Doctor inevitably led Ryans mind back to yesterday’s occurrences. He remembered his father’s face in agony at what the Dalek was doing to his mind, and he shuddered. Not wanting that thought pattern to continue, he got up. As he left his room, after having showered and found some clean clothes, he heard a loud banging noise coming from the control room. Wanting to find out what had caused that noise, and to derail his mind, as it somehow always seemed to be thinking about his father, he walked towards it. As the control room came into view from the hallway in which he was standing, he saw the Doctor‘s face covered in black smoke. The scene briefly brought a smile to his face, but as she turned a bit to take a proper look at him, he saw her standing in front of his father, and....

He quickly spoke, as to distract himself. „What have you done now, Doctor?“

He tried to smile alongside his comment, but found it to be difficult, so he continued without the snarky comment he had planned.

„Setting course for the next destination?”.

She smiled at that, clearly enjoying his company and his natural longing to explore what was out there in the universe.

“Nope!”

She put her hands on her hips and continued.

“I was merely doing some much needed repairs for the TARDIS! Anyway...”

She paused, and continued in a softer tone than before.

“How did you sleep?”. 

The question brought back flashes of his nightmare, and his breath hitched. He looked at the floor, feeling suddenly nauseous. The Doctor noticed, and reached out to take his hand, steadying him, and keeping him from falling flat.

"Thank you"

He said, and he meant it.

"Don't mention it Ryan"

She smiled, but it quickly turned into a look of concern. 

"Are you alright?"

How sincere she sounded combined with both how terrible he felt after yesterday's events, his subsequent nightmares, and the guilt of having originally blamed her for everything that had happened. Hell, he almost still did, and he really did not like that. He hadn't blamed her for his nan’s death, nor would he ever. That had been an accident. He knew he would always miss her, but at least he still had his memories of her and he always would. But then, if he didn't blame her for that, why did he blame her for what had almost happened to his dad? If he had had to describe it, he would not have been able to. It was just some kind of feeling he got. Some sort of strange and unnerving look he had seen in the Doctor's eyes as she opened the doors. Some sort of ancient look he had only caught glimpses of before had been on full display at that moment.

"Yes!" He spat out, to stop his mind from wandering any more.

She pressed her lips together as if to stop herself from saying something, probably from asking if he really meant that. It seemed to work, as the next thing out of her mouth was not related to their earlier topic at all.

"Come on Ryan! Let's get you some breakfast, it'll keep you from feeling dizzy" 

She smiled at him and held out her hand, expecting him to take it. He did so, and let her lead him out of the dimly lit control room, and into the bright corridor. 

  
  
  


They walked through the TARDIS' endless maze-like corridors, that somehow seemed to change position every day, while still managing to take him to exactly the right place in a minimal amount of time. How that worked, he really had no idea. The place strangely reminded him of J. K. Rowling's depictions of Hogwarts, and he assumed the Doctor couldn't find fault in his comparison. After walking for a while, hand in hand still, the Doctor began talking again.

"So, Ryan" she said in a serious tone. "Have you been having these nightmares for a while now, or...?"

He didn't answer. She looked at him in concern, but didn't press the matter. Instead, they continued on in silence, until they reached the kitchen.

  
  
  


In the kitchen, the Doctor put the kettle on the stove, and said something about using it in normal time. Ryan couldn't exactly be sure, as she was very much mumbling to herself at that point. She probably didn’t expect him to care either way. 

He had sat down at the table, on a bench seated against the wall, keeping him as far away from the kitchen workplace as possible. It seemed to end in disaster each time the Doctor was near it, as she sometimes forgot that she wasn’t supposed to do experiments there. 

His mind was far away when the Doctor asked him... something. He hadn't heard what.

"Sorry, what did you say?" he asked. He looked at her when he said it. She looked back. Her gaze was warm, and he got a funny feeling that she was preparing him with softness, to make him more cooperative later, but of course that wasn't the case. She was the Doctor, after all.

"Sorry, I was just wondering what your dream was about" she said, and looked at him expectantly.

"It was nothing" he answered. "Just some stupid nightmare"

He expected her to drop the subject. She did not.

"It's alright! You can tell me. Maybe I could help!" she said, smiling that soft expectant smile of hers.

"No, I'd rather not." he said, looking at the brown wooden table in front of him, instead of at her. She stepped away from the stove, where the kettle was sizzling away, and walked towards him. She carefully looked him in the eyes and in a calm but authoritative voice said:

"I know you humans do like your privacy, and believe me, I understand..." 

Her hand was placed solemnly over her left heart, and it seemed as though this wasn't something she liked to say. Nevertheless, she continued.

"But I would like my friends to feel as comfortable in my ship as possible."

He tried to interrupt her there, as he really didn't want her to continue, didn't want himself to lose control over his mouth and say something hurtful to her that he knew he would regret later. He knew he didn't really blame her for what had happened, as it wasn't her fault at all. At least, he thought that was it, but he really hadn't seen the Doctor act so cruel and callous as she had back then. She had practically begged for some form of validation, for them to allow her to kill that creature. The Dalek. That thing that had almost managed to kill his dad, even if they had the Doctor with them. It made him think that maybe they weren't as safe as….

His train of thought was interrupted by the Doctor putting one hand in the air, wagging a finger, signalling him to not say whatever it was he had been about to say. 

"And that includes knowing about whatever it is that gets you to scream in the middle of the night. Well, as close to it as it can be on the Old Girl" the ship seemed to whirr at her comment about it, and he was left wondering, not for the first time, if it were sentient.

He realized at that moment that she expected him to answer, and she wouldn't drop the questioning until he did. 

So he did as she asked.


End file.
